Who's On First Continues

Costello:  All I’m trying to find out is what’s the guy’s name on first base.

Abbott:  No, What’s on second base.

Costello:  I’m not asking who’s on second.

Abbott:  Who is on first!

Costello:  One base at a time!

Abbott:  Well don’t change the players around!

Costello:  I’m not changing nobody!

Abbott:  Take it easy, buddy.

Costello:  All I’m asking you ... who’s the guy on first base?

Abbott:  That’s right.

Costello:  Okay.

Abbott:  Alright.


Costello:  What’s the guy’s name on first base?

Abbott:  No, What is on second!

Costello:  I’m not asking you who’s on second!

Abbott:  Who’s on first.

Costello:  I don’t know.

Abbott:  Oh, he’s on third. We’re not talking about him. Now let’s get back to first.

Costello:  Now, how did I get on third base?

Abbott:  Well, you mentioned his name.

Costello:  If I mentioned the third baseman’s name, who did I say’s playing third?

Abbott:  No, Who’s playing first.

Costello:  What’s on first?

Abbott:  What’s on second.

Costello:  I don’t know.

Abbott:  He’s on third.

Costello:  There I go, back on third again! Will you stay on third base and don’t go off it?

Abbott:  Alright, what do you want to know?

Costello:  Now who’s playing third base?

Abbott:  Why do you insist on putting Who on third base?

Costello:  What am I putting on third?

Abbott:  No, What is on second.

Costello:  You don’t want who on second?

Abbott:  No, Who is on first.

Costello:  I don’t know!

Both: Third base!


Costello:  Look, you got outfield?

Abbott:  Sure.

Costello:  The left fielder’s name?

Abbott:  Why.

Costello:  I just thought I’d ask you.

Abbott:  Well I just thought I’d tell you.

Costello:  Then tell me who is playing left field.

Abbott:  Who is playing first.

Costello:  I’m not … Stay out of the infield! I want to know, what’s the guy’s name in left field?

Abbott:  No, What is on second.

Costello:  I’m not asking who’s on second.

Abbott:  No, Who is on first.

Costello:  I don’t know!

Both:  Third base!


Costello:  And left fielder’s name?

Abbott:  Why!

Costello:  Because.

Abbott:  No, he’s center field.

Costello:  (Fumbles words loudly)

Abbott:  Well that’s the fellow’s name.

Costello:  Look, look, look, you got a pitcher?

Abbott:  Sure.

Costello:  The pitcher’s name?

Abbott:  Tomorrow.

Costello:  You don’t want to tell me today?

Abbott:  I’m telling you now.

Costello:  Well go ahead.

Abbott:  Tomorrow.

Costello:  What time?

Abbott:  What time what?

Costello:  At what time tomorrow are you going to tell me who’s pitching?

Abbott:  Now listen, Who is not pitching. Who is on …

Costello:  I’ll break your arm if you say who’s on first! I want to know, what’s the pitcher’s name?

Abbott:  What’s on second!

Costello:  I don’t know!

Both:  Third base!




Helpful Health Hints


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Eyes Have It

Ear Candling

Back Walking


The Water Cure

Inner Clean Diet

What About Gout

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The Oreo Dilemma

Vegetarian Recipes

A Healing Meditation

Food Ads vs. Reality

12 Signs Of Kali Yuga


Test Your Eyes Online

Beware: Canned Soup

What About Aspartame

What About Chemtrails

What About Gallstones

Meditation For Women

How To Reverse Aging

The Color of Depression

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What About Sodium Benzoate

It's Time To Rag On Ragweed


Left Brain-Right Brain Diversity

Be Warned If You're On Statins

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A Critical Look At Optical Retailers

Jimmy Carter And Women's Rights

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Is Alzheimer's Diabetes of The Brain

Appendix: A Newly Discovered Organ

Another Side of The Soy-Protein Story

See What Happens When You Meditate

See Why Sikhs Keep Their Hair Unshorn

What About PPA (PhenylPropanolAmine)

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American Crisis: The Military-Industrial Complex

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