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Wisdom 'n Humor III

Latest update here.

The Leadership Equation


See The Synergistic Equation.

See how the Marine Corps transforms 'me' consciousness into 'we' consciousness.
CloseOrderDrill.com

What is so insidious about racism is that it marginalizes and offends everybody's innate sense of longing to belong, and therefore marginalizes and diminishes everybody. So racism, by its nature, is a lose/lose proposition.
Hari Singh Bird

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.
Regina Brett, 90 years old, The Plain Dealer, Cleveland

Anthropomorphism: "The attribution of human characteristics or behavior to a god, animal, or object."
The English language has some wonderfully anthropomorphic collective nouns for various groups of animals.

We are all familiar with:
A Herd of cows
A Flock of chickens
A School of fish
A Gaggle of geese.

However, less widely known is a:
A Pride of lions;
A Murder of crows (as well as their cousins the rooks and ravens);
An Exaltation of larks;
A Parliament of owls (because they look so wise…?).

Now consider a group of Baboons.
Baboons are the loudest, most dangerous, most obnoxious, most viciously aggressive and least intelligent of all primates. And what is the proper collective noun for a group of baboons? Believe it or not…it’s:
A Congress of Baboons!

That pretty much explains things that come out of Washington.
A Political Observer

You campaign in poetry. You govern in prose.
Mario Cuomo

To see a world in a grain of sand,
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
And eternity in an hour.
William Blake

Why I Am Now Divorced
Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my husband would be pleasant and say, 'Happy Birthday!', and possibly have a small present for me.

As it turned out, he barely said good morning, let alone 'Happy Birthday.'

I thought ... Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids ... they will remember.

My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office, my handsome Boss Rick, said, 'Good Morning, lady, and by the way Happy Birthday!'

It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o'clock, when Rick knocked on my door and said, 'You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me.'

I said, 'Thanks, Rick, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!'

We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. He chose instead a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously. On the way back to the office, Rick said, 'You know, it's such a beautiful day ... we don't need to go straight back to the office, do we?'

I responded, 'I guess not. What do you have in mind?'

He said, 'Let's drop by my place, it's just around the corner.'

After arriving at his house, Rick turned to me and said, 'If you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back.

'OK', I nervously replied.

He went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, he came out carrying a huge birthday cake ... followed by my husband, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing 'Happy Birthday'.
And I just sat there ... on the couch ...
Naked.
Unknown Divorcee

The fundamental weakness of a democracy is its inability to recognize the long-term consequences of what it does, and fails to do.
Author Unknown

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism -- to steal from many is research.
Author Unknown

A man can think he knows everything, until he speaks with his wife about it.
Author Unknown

The Porcupine Principle
It was the coldest winter ever. Many animals died because of the cold. The porcupines, realizing the situation, decided to group together. They were covered and protected, but the quills of each wounded the closest companion. 

After a while, they decided to distance themselves, and they began to die, alone and frozen. They had to make a choice: either accept the quills of their companions or disappear from the Earth. 

Wisely, they decided to go back to being together. They learned to live with the little wounds that were caused by their close relationships because the most important part was the heat that came from the others. They were able to survive.

The best relationship is not the one that brings together perfect people, but the one that forms when individuals learn to live with the imperfections and admire the good qualities of others.

The Moral of the story: LEARN TO LOVE THE PRICKS IN YOUR LIFE.
Author Unknown

He who knows not and knows not he knows not, He is a Fool - Shun Him.
He who knows not and knows he knows not, He is Simple - Teach Him.
He who knows and knows not he knows, He is Asleep - Awaken Him.
He who knows and knows that he knows, He is Wise - Follow Him.
Author Unknown

The early bird gets the worm … the second mouse gets the cheese.
Billboard

I offer my owner my favorite toy as a sign of my affection and he throws it. What an a_ _hole.
Author Unknown


The only thing new in the universe is the history you don’t know.
Harry S. Truman

"Pain is weakness leaving the body." --

A Native American and his friend were in downtown New York City, walking near Times Square in Manhattan. It was during the noon lunch hour and the streets were filled with people. Cars were honking their horns, taxicabs were squealing around corners, sirens were wailing, and the sounds of the city were almost deafening. Suddenly, the Native American said, "I hear a cricket."

His friend said, "What? You must be crazy. You couldn't possibly hear a cricket in all of this noise!"

"No, I'm sure of it," the Native American said, "I heard a cricket."

"That's crazy," said the friend.

The Native American listened carefully for a moment, and then walked across the street to a big cement planter where some shrubs were growing. He looked into the bushes, beneath the branches, and sure enough, he located a small cricket. His friend was utterly amazed.

"That's incredible," said his friend. "You must have superhuman ears!"

"No," said the Native American. "My ears are no different from yours. It all depends on what you're listening for."

"But that can't be!" said the friend. "I could never hear a cricket in this noise."

"Yes, it's true," came the reply. "It depends on what is really important to you. Here, let me show you."

He reached into his pocket, pulled out a few coins, and discreetly dropped them on the sidewalk. And then, with the noise of the crowded street still blaring in their ears,
they noticed every head within twenty feet turn and look to see if the money that tinkled on the pavement was theirs.

"See what I mean?", asked the Native American. "It all depends on what's important to you."

What's important to you? What do you listen for? Some people say that there is no God, and that He never speaks to us anymore. But perhaps they can't see or hear Him
because they aren't listening for Him. They are living for themselves, not for God.

If you are in tune with God, you will be able to notice Him at work in your life and in the world. And you'll be able to hear Him when He speaks.
"The Cricket", Author Unknown

When the mind is polluted by error and shame, It can only be cleansed by the love of the Name.
Guru Nanak - Japji Sahib, The Peace Lagoon

May we always be grateful to the Creator for the greatest gift, which is our body. For to have raised up this temple from a single cell to such a splendid form, without our ever once being required to think about it, is an accomplishment and a wonder beyond words.
Hari Singh Khalsa

The Synergistic Equation: 1 plus 1 equals 11. That moment of shared experience when me becomes we.
1Plus1Equals11.com

Bumper Stickers ...
"Forget about world peace ... visualize using your turn signal!"

"All generalizations are false."

"Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine."

"Time is what keeps everything from happening at once."

"As long as there are tests there will be prayer in public schools."

"The gene pool could use a little chlorine."

"I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!"

"Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let her sleep."

"Montana - At least our cows are sane!"

"Friends don't let friends drive naked."

"Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs."

"I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it."

"It's lonely at the top, but you eat better."

"According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist."

"A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory."

"Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear."

"Give me ambiguity or give me something else."

"Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot."

"He who laughs last thinks slowest."

"Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else."

"Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math."

"Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies."

"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."

"Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy."

"Consciousness: That annoying time between naps."

"We Are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated."

"Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home."

"Three kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't."

"Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?"

"Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"

"I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die."

"Auntie Em! Hate you; Hate Kansas; Taking the dog. Dorothy"

"Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself."

"I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?"

"It's too bad God didn't make ignorance painful!"

"God is too big to fit into one religion."

"I am still missing my Ex, but my aim is improving."

"Flying saucers are real, the Air Force doesn't exist."

"Jesus is coming, and boy is he pissed."

"Jesus is coming. Look busy!"

"I just can't stand people who are intolerant!"

"We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse."

"Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot."

"It's not over until your brother counts the votes!"

"I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian."

"The more you complain the longer God let's you live."

"When in doubt, empty the magazine."

"Help clean up the environment ... Plant a Bush back in Texas."

A Florida Survivor's Perspective ... "1 Charley, 2 Frances, 3 Ivan, 4 Sale!"

And, appearing on the spare tire cover of a new Land Rover ... "Hummer Recovery Vehicle."

 

What Goes Around Comes Around
"His name was Fleming, and he was a poor Scottish farmer. One day, while trying to make a living for his family, he heard a cry for help coming from a nearby bog. He dropped his tools and ran to the bog. There, mired to his waist in black muck, was a terrified boy, screaming and struggling to free himself. Farmer Fleming saved the lad from what could have been a slow and terrifying death.

The next day, a fancy carriage pulled up to the Scotsman's sparse surroundings. An elegantly dressed nobleman stepped out and introduced himself as the father of the boy Farmer Fleming had saved.

"I want to repay you," said the nobleman. "You saved my son's life."

"No, I can't accept payment for what I did," the Scottish farmer replied waving off the offer. At that moment, the farmer's own son came to the door of the family hovel.

"Is that your son?" the nobleman asked.

"Yes," the farmer replied proudly.

"I'll make you a deal. Let me provide him with the level of education my own son will enjoy. If the lad is anything like his father, he'll no doubt grow to be a man we both will be proud of."

And that he did. Farmer Fleming's son attended the very best schools and in time, graduated from St. Mary's Hospital Medical School in London, and went on to become known throughout the world as the noted Sir Alexander Fleming, the discoverer of Penicillin.

Years afterward, the same nobleman's son who was saved from the bog was stricken with pneumonia.

What saved his life this time? Penicillin.

The name of the nobleman? Lord Randolph Churchill. His son's name? Sir Winston Churchill."
Author Unknown - Submitted by Graham Wells

"Work like you don't need the money.
Love like you've never been hurt.
Dance like nobody's watching.
Sing like nobody's listening.
Live like its Heaven on Earth."
Author Unknown - Submitted by Graham Wells

Can't we all just get along?
Rodney King

I HAVE been a practicing Christian all my life and a deacon and Bible teacher for many years. My faith is a source of strength and comfort to me, as religious beliefs are to hundreds of millions of people around the world. So my decision to sever my ties with the Southern Baptist Convention, after six decades, was painful and difficult. It was, however, an unavoidable decision when the convention's leaders, quoting a few carefully selected Bible verses and claiming that Eve was created second to Adam and was responsible for original sin, ordained that women must be "subservient" to their husbands and prohibited from serving as deacons, pastors or chaplains in the military service.
Jimmy Carter

Pratyahaar is the control of the mind through withdrawal of the senses. The joy in your life, which you really want to enjoy, is within you. There is nothing more precise than You within you. The day you find the You within you, your mind will be yours. In pratyahaar we bring everything to zero (shunia), as pranayam brings everything to Infinity."
Yogi Bhajan

Any system of human organization that does not (or cannot) respect and value counter-opinions or dissenting voices can never be truly unified and it will never evolve intelligently. Why is this so? Because any dominant, prevailing viewpoint will always be required to meet and to deal with its POLARITY. Polarity is a law of reality ... A fixed system, a "one-way" dominant process of governance, will always 'miss' or misunderstand the emerging reality that we call the Necessity that will become the next Mother of Invention.
Krishna Singh Khalsa (See 1Plus1Equals11.com
)

When political parties get into their respective social agenda, somebody is inevitably excluded. The truth is that senseless violence has occurred on so many occasions over the years because people have allowed themselves to be manipulated by those trying to make them slaves to one rigid, ideological identity as opposed to being free thinking human beings capable of positive qualities such as rational analysis, empathy, tolerance and mercy. Human beings need to get past the notion that being a particular race, gender, nationality, tribe, party, or religion gives them the right to oppress others. Exclusion is antithetical to where we are in this, the Aquarian Age. Transparency and the inclusion of others is now the order. Those who choose not to change will become irrelevant.
ToServeIsToSucceed.com


You can never go wrong if you sing your holiest of songs, God and me, me and God are One.
Yogi Bhajan

Mankind has entered the Age of Ubuntu, otherwise known as the Age of Aquarius. It is where all for one, and 'won' for all rules. It is the Age of Inclusion, Compassion, and Service.
UbuntuAge.com

Now we're remembering the Truth of who we are...we're climbing the ladder on our pathway to the stars.
Mimi Allison

The problem with eternity is that there is too much of it.
From 'the dip' by Seth Godin.

12 Symptoms of Spiritual Awareness

1. An increased tendency to let things happen rather than make them happen.
2. Frequent attacks of smiling.
3. Feelings of being connected with others and nature.
4. Frequent overwhelming episodes of appreciation.
5. A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than from fears based on past experience.
6. An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment.
7. A loss of ability to worry.
8. A loss of interest in conflict.
9. A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others.
10. A loss of interest in judging others.
11. A loss of interest in judging self.
12. Gaining the ability to love without expecting anything in return.
RecoveryTradePublications.com

See Kundalini Ascension Symptoms

Retirement Options

A guide to help you make the right choice

You can retire to Phoenix or Tucson, Arizona where...

1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your hiney from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never get to a town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU F- - - - - G KIDDING ME??!!

OR

You can retire to California where...

1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.

OR

You can retire to New York City where...

1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan .
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus
Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is "nature."
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn. (That's IF you have a car).
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

OR

You can retire to Minnesota where...

1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco .
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for casserole.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

OR

You can retire to the Deep South where...

1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "Ya'll" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin'" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Ellen, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5. Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder." It's important to know the difference, too.

OR

You can retire to Colorado where...

1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

OR

You can retire to the Midwest where...

1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"

OR

You can retire to Florida where...

1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.

A FARM KID JOINS THE MARINE CORPS

Dear Ma and Pa,

I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. But I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothin'.

Guys gotta shave but it ain't so bad, there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer they can always sit by the city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.

We go on 'route marches,' which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so. It ain't my place to tell him different. A 'route march' is just about as far as to our mailbox at home. But the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.


Our sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot.

The Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. But they don't bother you none.

This next one will kill Walt and Elmer with laughin'. I keep getting medals for shootin'. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.
Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fightin' with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. I only beat him once... He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6' and 130 pounds, and he's 6'8' and near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers catch on to this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter,

Alice

If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it...It's vitally important for the State to use all of its powers to repress dissent, for the truth is the mortal enemy of the lie...Think of the press as a great keyboard on which the government can play.
Joseph Goebbels Minister of Propaganda, Germany, c. 1933-45

Make the lie big, make it simple, keep saying it, and eventually they will believe it...How fortunate for governments, that the people they administer don't think.
Adolf Hitler


Eric Hoffer

People who believe absurdities will soon commit atrocities.
Voltaire

You can make more friends in two months by becoming truly interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.
Dale Carnegie

What is carried forward from waking hours into sleep are recent experiences that have an emotional component, often those that were negative in tone but not noticed at the time or not fully resolved.
Rosalind Cartwright, The Twenty-four Hour Mind

Regard everything you’re doing as play, and don’t imagine even for one minute that you’ve got to be serious about it.
Alan Watts

There is no growth in the comfort zone, and there is no comfort in the growth zone.
D.J. Fuji

Every book is a children’s book if the kid can read!
Mitch Hedberg

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
Groucho Marx

Ships in harbor are safe, but that’s not what ships are built for.
John Shedd

Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.
Hellen Keller

Wheat elimination is a vastly underappreciated strategy for rapid and profound weight loss, particularly from visceral fat.
William Davis, M.D.

There’s no job you will love 100% of the time. Think of work as something that allows you to do what you’re passionate about.
Mark David

Fat is the most valuable food known to man.
Professor John Yudkin (1910-1995)

School: Making information unnecessarily complex and expensive, and compartmentalizing it to ensure that people don’t know what they need to know about life.
Mark David

You are something that the whole universe is doing, in the same way that a wave is something that the whole ocean is doing.
Alan Watts

I see people pushing along in a wheelchair. I wonder when did you have your root canal done? Because root canals so far have turned out to be one of the vilest things that I have ever run into.
Dr. Hal Huggins, D.D.S., M.S.

I’m always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I’m listening to it.
George Carlin

Education is simply the soul of a society as it passes from one generation to another.
G.K. Chesterton

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.
Groucho Marx

I never understood vegans… they claim to be all ‘peaceful’ and ‘spiritually attuned with nature’; meanwhile if you say anything that goes against their beliefs they’ll attack you faster than the U.S. military as if you’re a foreign country.
Mark David

Rebound exercise is the most efficient, effective form of exercise yet devised by man.
Albert Carter, Rebound Exercise

Ideas are intangible forces, but they have more power than the brain that gave birth to them. They have the power to live on, after the brain that creates them has turned to dust.
Napoleon Hill, Think and Grow Rich

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
George Carlin

Recess Period For Smart Phone Class

Studies in the 1940′s confirmed that wound infection strengthened tissue. Infection increases the rate of healing.
Robert Bernstein, Honey, Mud & Maggots

Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.
Hellen Keller

Stanford researchers conducted experiments showing that when people try to hide their real feelings, they provoke a threat-response arousal in others.
Olivia Fox Cabane, The Charisma Myth

Just because symptoms aren’t present doesn’t mean you don’t have gluten sensitivity.
Drs. Vikki and Richard Petersen

I have had a number of patients with breast cancer, all of whom had root canals on the tooth related to the breast area on the associated energy meridian.
John Diamond, M.D.

Root canals are a zillion times worse than mercury fillings.
Dr. Hal Huggins

Eliminating wheat is the easiest and most effective step you can take to safeguard your health and trim your waistline.
William Davis, M.D.

I am concerned about justice. I am concerned about brotherhood. I am concerned about truth. And when one is concerned about these, once can never advocate violence. For through violence you may murder a murderer but you cannot murder murder. Through violence you may murder a liar but you cannot establish truth. Through violence you may murder a hater but you cannot murder hate. Darkness cannot put out darkness. Only light can do that... And I say to you, I have also decided to stick to love. For I know that love is ultimately the only answer to mankind’s problems. And I’m going to talk about it everywhere I go... [Because] I have seen too much hate…to want to hate myself... Hate is too great a burden to bear... I have decided to love.
Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

The ultimate expression of power is control.
Unknown

Change is the end result of all true learning.
Leo Buscaglia

I am the Koch brothers' brother from another mother.
Herman Cain

Kid: "What's that?" Pointing at mom's belly.
Mother: "It's your little sister."
Kid: "How did it happen?"
Anonymous

History doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme.
Mark Twain

A Mother Superior called the nuns of her convent to the conference room in order to announce, "I need to advise you that someone here has acquired a case of gonorrhoea. Whereupon an elderly nun in the back of the room exclaimed, "Oh, thank God, I'm so tired of that Chardonnay!"
Anonymous

An elderly couple were reading in their living room when they suddenly realized an armed man was in their midst. He announced, "I want your money and jewelry, your china, your art work and the keys to you car and your boat or I will kill you." Then, he asked the woman, "What's your name?" To which, she answered, "My name is Elizabeth!" Whereupon the robber said, "Well, I can't shoot you. My mother's name was Elizabeth!" Then he turned to her husband and said, "What's your name?" Whereupon the husband said. "My name is Joseph, but most folks call me Elizabeth!"
Anonymous

It's All About Attitude

We're down to blood relatives and staffers.
Senator John McCain on the historically low 24% popularity of the GOP, October, 2013

Tea Party followers are like the kids who shoot their parents, and then claim to be orphans.
Chris Matthews, MSNBC Journalist

Your children are not your children.
They are sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you.
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the make upon the path of the infinite, and
He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness.
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He also loves the bow that is stable.
Kahlil Gibran

You never know who's swimming naked until the tide goes out.
Warren Buffet

You can depend on the United States to do the right thing, but only after they try everything else.
Winston Churchill

I have spent most of my life rehearsing my impromptu remarks.
Winston Churchill

One of Winston Churchill's many detractors once encountered him by saying, "Sir, you are drunk! You are very drunk! You are very, very, drunk!" Whereupon Churchill replied, "And sir, you are ugly! You are very ugly! You are very, very, ugly! And tomorrow morning I will wake up sober!"

I recently attempted to reset my password. This is what transpired.

"Sorry, your password has not been in use for 30 days and has expired - you must register a new one."

"Please enter your new password."

roses

"Sorry, too few characters."

pretty roses

"Sorry, you must use at least one numerical character."

1 pretty rose

"Sorry, you cannot use blank spaces."

1prettyrose

"Sorry, you must use at least 10 different characters."

1fuckingprettyrose

"Sorry, you must use at least one upper case character."

1FUCKINGprettyrose

"Sorry, you cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively."

1FuckingPrettyRose

"Sorry, you must use no fewer than 20 total characters."

1FuckingPrettyRoseShovedUpYourAssIfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessRightFuckingNow!

"Sorry, you cannot use punctuation."

1FuckingPrettyRoseShovedUpYourAssIfYouDontGiveMeAccessRightFuckingNow

"Sorry, that password is already in use. Sincerely Yours."

Submitted anonymously, of course!

Caution: Use discretion when browsing the Web.
Do not believe everything you see, hear or think.

Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it.
Siddhartha Gautama Buddha UniversityOfDiversity.com

What is so insidious about racism is that it marginalizes and offends anybody's innate sense of longing to belong and therefore marginalizes and diminishes everybody. So racism, by its nature, is a lose/lose proposition.
Hari Singh Bird

Some people do enjoy playing partisan politics with science. Pharmaceuticals, bioengineering, economics, and climate science all abound with people who delight in taking positions which are counterintuitive. Sometimes it is a character trait. At other times, they are well paid for their advocacy.
Guru Fatha Singh Khalsa

How many wars has the United States had since 1776? The U.S. has formally declared war five times:

The War of 1812
The Mexican American War
Spanish-American War
World War I
World War II.

Below is a list of wars of which the U.S. did not formally declare war. Not included are the countless wars with Native Americans.

First Barbary War (1805)
Algerian War (1815)
First Sumatran Expedition (1832)
Cayuse War (1847)
First Fiji Expedition (1855)
Second Opium War (1856)
Paraguay Expedition (1859)
Formosa Expedition (1867)
Korean Expedition (1871)
Second Samoan Civil War (1898)
Moro Rebellion (1899)
Boxer Rebellion (1900)
Nicaraguan Campaign (1912)
Mexican Revolution (1914)
Occupation of Haiti (1915)
Occupation of Dominican Republic (1916)
Cold War -- Includes wars with USSR, Grenada, Dominican Republic, Congo, Cambodia, Laos, Vietnam, Cuba, Indochina, Czechoslovakia, and Korea (1947)
Puerto Rican Nationalist Revolts (1950)
First Gulf of Sidra Incident (1981)
Lebanese Civil War (1982)
Bombing of Libya (1986)
Iran-Iraq War (1987)
Invasion of Panama (1989)
First Gulf War (1990)
Somali Civil War (1992)
Bosnian War (1993)
Operation Uphold Democracy -- Haiti (1994)
Bombings of Afghanistan and Sudan (1998)
Kosovo War (1999)
War on Terror -- Wars with Iraq, Afghanistan, the Philippines, Somalia, Pakistan, and Yemen (2001)
Second Liberian War (2003)
Lord's Resistance Army Insurgency -- Sudan (2011)
Libyan Civil War (2011)
Ken Ferrigni

Looking at the only all Black family in 3HO / Sikh Dharma after 45 years from my perspective as a person of color I have to ask, why are there so few Blacks?
Hari Singh Bird

Honey is a more effective persuader than vinegar, inspiration is more effective than a hammer, and kindness is more effective than derision.
Hari Singh Bird

While stitching a cut on the hand of a 75 year old farmer, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to politicians and their role as our leaders.

The old farmer said, " Well, as I see it, most politicians are 'Post Tortoises'.

''Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post tortoise' was.

The old farmer said, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a tortoise balanced on top, that's a post tortoise."

The old farmer saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued to explain. "You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, he's elevated beyond his ability to function, and you just wonder what kind of dumb ass put him up there to begin with."
Unknown

Can you pick up the pace? I'm 80!
Great grandmother to her chauffeur.

QUIPS

My dad hated me. I asked him how to get my kite to fly. He said, "Jump off a cliff!"

I went to a massage parlor. It was self-service.

My wife has sex with me only for a purpose. Last night she used me to time a boiled egg.

It's hard for me to stay married. My wife kisses the dog but won't drink out of my glass.

Last night my wife met me at the front door wearing a sexy negligee. She was coming home.

A girl told me to come on over. No ones home. I went over. No one was home.

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning"? "No," she said. "I hate myself now!"

I had a girl friend so ugly they used her to cure sex offenders.

My wife is such a bad cook that if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.

I am so ugly that when I stuck my head out the window I was arrested for indecent exposure.

I came home early. A guy was jogging past me, naked. I asked him why. He said, "You came home early!"

My wife is such a bad cook the dog begs for alka-seltzer.

My wife is such a bad cook that we pray after eating.

I know that I ain't sexy. When I put on my underwear, I hear the fruit of the loom guys laughing.

My wife talks to me during sex. Last night she called me from a motel.

It's been a bad day. This morning I put on my shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle fell off. I am afraid to go to the bathroom.

I was so ugly as a tot that when I played in the sand box, the cat covered me up.

I kmew my parents hated me. My bath toys were a radio and a toaster.

I was so ugly that my mother never breast fed me. She only liked me as a friend.

I was so ugly that dad carried a picture of the kid that came with the wallet.

When I was born the doctor told my parents, "im very sorry. I did everything I could, but he survived anyhow!"

I was so ugly my mother had morning sickness after I was born.

I was kidnapped and the kidnappers sent dad a finger to prove they had me. Dad said, "I want more proof!"

I was lost and went to a policeman. "Please help me find my parents." He said, "I don't know son." There are so many places for them to hide."

My mom made me join a bridge club. I jump next Tuesday.

I was so ugly when I worked in a pet shop the customers wanted to know how big I would get.

I told my doctor, "Every morning when I get up and look in the mirror, I vomit. Whats wrong with me"? "Nothing," he replied. "Your eyesight's perfect."

Some dog I have, I call him Egypt because he leaves a pyramid in every room. His favorite chew toy is my arm. Yesterday he went on the paper. I was reading it.

I was so ugly they asked me to be a poster boy for birth control.

My uncles dying wish was for me to be sitting in his lap. He was in the electric chair.

Gosh, I miss Rodney Dangerfield.

A woman hurried to the pharmacy to get medication, got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys inside.

She bowed her head and asked God to send her some HELP. She then found an old rusty coat hanger on the ground. She looked at it and said, "Can I use this?"

Within seconds a beat-up old motorcycle pulled up, driven by a bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag. He got off of his cycle and asked if he could help. She said: "Yes, my daughter is sick. I've locked my keys in my car. I must get home. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?"

He said, "Sure." He walked over to the car, and in less than a minute the car was open. She hugged the man and through tears said, "Thank You, God, for sending me such a very nice man."

The man heard her little prayer and replied, "Lady, I am NOT a nice man. I just got out of prison yesterday; I was in prison for car theft." The woman hugged the man again, sobbing, "Oh, thank you, God! You even sent me a Professional!"

Is GOD great or what?
Anonymous

According to President Barack Obama, slavery is the "original sin of our nation.” All nations have original sin. Our nation was indeed built on the original sin of slavery. Hitler’s war machine was built on the sin of slavery. England’s Empire, and attacks on Native Americans were based on them not bending to be slaves even when addicted to alcohol provided by the Whites (another sin upon a nation), and the near slave labor of Japanese in Hawaii. The slave labor of the past, sweat shops, and today the sweat stores of Walmart and McDonalds. Worldwide today, the sex slaves, and the sweat shops for consumer goods. It’s the same sin. Using people for self aggrandizement while degrading those people to little or nothing. And selfless service is the only answer. Living FOR each other, the path of my spiritual teacher. Let us pray to our collective God and our teachers and inspirational leaders to help rid our nations, minds and consciousness of the original sin of slavery.
Ravitej Singh Khalsa

June 26, 2015

Down with the Confederate flag.
Up with the Rainbow flag.
Things are a changin'.

 

America's Original Sin

The United States of America brought forth four original sins:

. The State and Religion are as one. This is the reason many people think America is a "Christian nation".

. Slavery, i.e., racism and indentured servitude.

. Subjugation and control of Native lands and Native peoples.

. Capitalism ("Free Trade"), which spins off slavery and free labor.

Slavery was supported by Christian clerics from the 1600s (really by the Spanish -- from the 1500s).

Capitalism is a driving force for slavery, indentured servitude, and the stealing of Native lands. Again supported by the original sin of religious tribalism -- this behavior is purely European.

Slavery permeated the American culture from the 17th Century until the early 20th Century. Its residue finished the 20th Century and is now infiltrating the 21st Century.

Within cultures prejudice can become bigotry, which then slips into tribalism. Then fears turn to hate and the tribe becomes even more convinced of its superiority. Then violence is used to subjugate those seen as inferior. Then tribalists employ slavery for their own self-aggrandizement (capitalism). Slavery (racism) then, is tribalism at its worst.

Religion, slavery, racism, annihilation of Native culture and its people, capitalism, all come together in the fire of the nation's sins -- gun violence, war!

States in America, supported by religious zealots, built an economy based on slave labor, and controlled by 'guns'. But when people turn to love, selflessness service and a fearless commitment to stand for Truth, then the 'weeds' of State sins cannot permeate the 'garden of faith'.

We are passing through the cusp of the Age of Aquarius whereby those attached to the previous Age (see Kali Yuga Signs) will pass on due to irrelevancy. This is the Age of tolerance, love, kindness, service, inclusion, equality, honor, and Truth through experience. There is no room for exclusion or subjugation. No room to intimidate or control others through fear and guilt. Europe gave birth originally, culturally, to America, and Americans are the neurotic progeny.

The hope we now have is that our souls are awakening to the True Nature of our Being.
Sat Hanuman Singh Khalsa

Across the South, we have a deep appreciation of history. We haven’t always had a deep appreciation of each other’s history.
Rev. Clementa Pinckney

Earthquakes level the playing field.
Hari Singh Bird

We must not hate. We must be 'love warriors' and 'justice warriors'.
Cornel West

God's 11th And Final Commandment

Gee, I dunno!

You should've gone to my website!


Nothing happens, next. This is it!



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