First Senior Moment or How The Dinosaurs Became Extinct
Do you ... er uh, can you remember?
'55 Chevy Convertible
you a Boomer? Born between 1946 and 1964?
A BOOMER MEMORY TEST
BOOMER MIND BENDERS
1. What builds strong bodies 12 ways...
A. Flintstones vitamins
B. The Buttmaster
D. Wonder Bread
E. Orange Juice
G. Cod Liver Oil
2. Before he was Muhammed Ali, he was...
A. Sugar Ray Robinson.
B. Roy Orbison.
C. Gene Autry.
D. Rudolph Valentino.
F. Mickey Mantle.
G. Cassius Clay.
3. Pogo, the comic strip character said, 'We have met the enemy
A. It's you.
B. He is us.
C. It's the Grinch.
D. He wasn't home.
E. He's really me and you.
F. We quit.
G. He surrendered.
4. Goodnight, David...
A. Goodnight, Chet
B. Sleep well.
C. Goodnight, Irene.
D. Goodnight, Gracie.
E. See you later, alligator.
F. Until tomorrow.
G. Good night, Steve.
5. You'll wonder where the yellow went...
A. When you use Tide
B. When you lose your crayons.
C. When you clean your tub.
D. If you paint the room blue.
E. If you buy a soft water tank.
F. When you use Lady Clairol.
G. When you brush your teeth with Pepsodent.
6. Before he was the Skipper's Little Buddy, Bob Denver was Dobie's
A. Stuart Whitman.
B. Randolph Scott.
C. Steve Reeves.
D. Maynard G. Krebs.
E. Corky B. Dork.
F. Dave the Whale.
G. Zippy Zoo.
7. Liar, liar...
A. You're a liar.
B. Your nose is growing.
C. Pants on fire.
D. Join the choir
E. Jump up higher.
F. On the wire.
G. I'm telling Mom.
8. Meanwhile, back in Metropolis, Superman fights a never ending
battle for truth, justice and...
B. Lois Lane.
C. TV ratings.
D. World peace.
E. Red tights.
F. The American way.
G. News headlines.
9. Hey kids! What time is it...
A. It's time for Yogi Bear.
B. It's time to do your homework.
C. It's Howdy Doody Time.
D. It's time for Romper Room.
E. It's bedtime.
F. The Mighty Mouse Hour.
G. Scooby Doo Time.
10. Lions and tigers and bears...
B. Oh, no.
C. Gee whiz.
D. I'm scared.
E. Oh my.
F. Help! Help!
G. Let's run.
11. Bob Dylan advised us never to trust anyone...
A. Over 40.
B. Wearing a uniform.
C. Carrying a briefcase.
D. Over 30.
E. You don't know.
F. Who says, 'Trust me'
G. Who eats tofu.
12. NFL quarterback who appeared in a television commercial wearing
A. Troy Aikman
B. Kenny Stabler
C. Joe Namath
D. Roger Staubach
E. Joe Montana
F. Steve Young
G. John Elway
13. Bryl Cream...
A. Smear it on.
B. You'll smell great.
C. Tame that cowlick.
D. Grease ball heaven.
E. It's a dream.
F. We're your team.
G. A little dab'll do ya.
14. I found my thrill...
A. In Blueberry muffins.
B. With my man, Bill.
C. Down at the mill.
D. Over the windowsill.
E. With thyme and dill.
F. Too late to enjoy.
G. On Blueberry Hill.
15. Before Robin Williams, Peter Pan was played by...
A. Clark Gable.
B. Mary Martin.
C. Doris Day.
D. Errol Flynn.
E. Sally Fields.
F. Jim Carrey.
G. Jay Leno.
16. Name the Beatles...
A. John, Steve, George, Ringo
B. John, Paul, George, Roscoe
C. John, Paul, Stacey, Ringo
D. Jay, Paul, George, Ringo
E. Lewis, Peter, George, Ringo
F. Jason, Betty, Skipper, Hazel
G. John, Paul, George, Ringo
17. I wonder, wonder, who...
A. Who ate the leftovers?
B. Who did the laundry?
C. Was it you?
D. Who wrote the book of love?
E. Who I am?
F. Passed the test?
G. Knocked on the door?
18. I'm strong to the finish...
A. Cause I eats my broccoli.
B. Cause I eats me spinach.
C. Cause I lift weights.
D. Cause I'm the hero.
E. And don't you for get it.
F. Cause Olive Oyl loves me.
G. To outlast Brutus.
19. When it's least expected, you're elected, you're the star today...
A. Smile, you're on Candid Camera.
B. Smile, you're on Star Search.
C. Smile, you won the lottery.
D. Smile, we're watching you.
E. Smile, the world sees you.
F. Smile, you're a hit.
G. Smile, you're on TV.
20. What do M & M's do...
A. Make your tummy happy!
B. Melt in your mouth, not in your pocket.
C. Make you fat.
D. Melt your heart.
E. Make you popular.
F. Melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
G. Come in colors.
Scoring: 20 questions. You get 5 points for each correct answer.
Average score, 60. Good luck! Get
POINTS TO PONDER
As I've aged, I've become kinder to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend.
I have seen too many dear friends leave this world, too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.
Whose business is it, if I choose to read, or play, on the computer, until 4 AM, or sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 50, 60 & 70's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love, I will.
I will walk the beach, in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves, with abandon, if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set. They, too, will get old.
I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And, I eventually remember the important things.
Sure, over the years, my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break, when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car? But, broken hearts are what give us strength, and understanding, and compassion. A heart never broken, is pristine, and sterile, and will never know the joy of being imperfect.
I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.
As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong.
So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day (if I feel like it). BTW: To those who say getting old is hell, I say it's also a killer. --
FROM GOOD OL' 1955
you hear the post office is thinking about charging a dime just
to mail a letter?"
"If they raise the minimum wage to $1, nobody will be able
to hire outside help at the store."
"When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would
someday cost 29 cents a gallon? Guess we'd be better off leaving
the car in the garage."
"Kids today are impossible. Those duck tail haircuts make it
impossible to stay groomed. Next thing you know, boys will be wearing
their hair as long as the girls years ago!”
"I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they
are, it's going to be impossible to buy a week's groceries for $20."
"Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't
be long before $2000 will only buy a used car."
afraid to send my kids to the movies any more. Ever since they let
Clark Gable get by with saying 'damn' in 'Gone With The Wind,' it
seems every new movie has either "hell" or "damn"
"I read the other day where some scientist thinks it's possible
to put a man on the moon by the end of the century. They even have
some fellows they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas."
"Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract
for $75,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn't surprise me if
someday they'll be making more than the president."
"I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances
would be electric. They are even making electric typewriters now."
too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married
women are having to work to make ends meet."
"It won't be long before young couples are going to have to
hire someone to watch their kids so they can both work."
"Marriage doesn't mean a thing any more; those Hollywood stars
seem to be getting divorced at the drop of a hat."
"I'm just afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door
to a whole lot of foreign business."
"Thank goodness I won't live to see the day when the Government
takes half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electing
the best people to Congress."
drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, but I seriously
doubt they will ever catch on."
"There is no sense going to Lincoln or Omaha anymore for a
weekend. It costs nearly $15 a night to stay in a hotel."
"No one can afford to be sick any more; $35 a day in the hospital
is too rich for my blood."
"If they think I'll pay 50 cents for a hair cut, forget it."
'55 Chevy Corvette
YOU A SURVIVOR? TO THOSE
WHO SURVIVED THE 30's, 40's, AND 50's ... WE HAD IT MADE!
we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while
they were pregnant.
They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can,
and didn't get tested for diabetes.
Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in
baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets
and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention,
the risks we took hitchhiking.
As infants and children, we would ride in cars with no car seats,
booster seats, seat belts or air bags.
Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special
We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.
- Remember these Good Ol' Days?
We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and
NO ONE actually died from this.
We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank Kool-Aid
made with sugar, but we weren't overweight because,
WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as
we were back when the streetlights came on.
No one was able to reach us all day. And we were OK!
We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then
ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After
running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.
We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games
at all, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD's, no
surround-sound or CD's, no cell phones, no personal computers,
no Internet or chat rooms ...
WE HAD FRIENDS, and we went outside and found them!
We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there
were no lawsuits as a result of these accidents.
We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not
live in us forever.
We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with
sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen,
we did not put out very many eyes.
We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the
door, or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!
Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those
who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard
of. They actually sided with the law!
These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers,
problem solvers and inventors ever. The
The past 50 years have seen an explosion of innovation and new
We experienced freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and
we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!
it was Moody Blues ...
"In Search of the Lost Chord."
it's Environmentalists ...
in search of the lost cord.
quote of that year
Boomer Biker Bar
nothing like the feel of the sun on your face and the wind in
never having adopted the metric system for day to day life, American
Boomers are familiar with the basic units, like grams, kilograms,
meters and such. But when it comes to lesser known units, they're
millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope
of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi
pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton
between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond
an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram
it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong
feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling
of a large intestine = 1 semicolon
aches = 1 megahurtz
unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower
distance between two jokes = 1 straight line
graham crackers = 1 pound cake
million-million microphones = 1 megaphone
million bicycles = 2 megacycles
days = 1 unicycle
mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds
cards = 1 decacards
kilogram of falling figs = 1 FigNewton
milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen
millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
trillion pins = 1 terrapin
rations = 1 decoration
rations = 1 C-ration
monograms = 1 diagram
nickels = 2 paradigms
statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University
Hospital = 1 IV League
Senators = Not 1 good decision
A Christmas Story
An elderly man in Oklahoma calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 45 years of marriage...and that much misery is enough!"
"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son yells.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man explained.
"We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Hong Kong and tell her!"
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.
"Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this."
She calls her elderly father immediately, and screams at him, "You are not getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, you hear me?" she yelled as she hung up the phone.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay", he says, "it's all set. They're both coming for Christmas and paying their own air-fare." --
This is what happens when the kids take the car keys away.
elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of
years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him
fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to
He went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your
hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you
can hear again.'
The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just
sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will
elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench
under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm
83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know
you're about my age. How do you feel?'
Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'
'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'
'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'
elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after
eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The
two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went
out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend
it very highly.'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the
name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know ...
The one that's red and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards
the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant
we went to last night?
regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged.
However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly
gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase
at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the
hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly
let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him
if his wife was meeting him.
'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom
changing out of her hospital gown.'
in their nineties are both having problems remembering things.
During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically
okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help
them remember ...
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from
his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember
it?' she asks.
'No, I can remember it.'
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should
write it down, so not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that,
write it down?' she asks.
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember
it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it,
for goodness sake!'
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The
old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of
bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.
'Where's my toast ?'
senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: 'So I hear you're
'Do I know her?'
'This woman, is she good looking?'
'Is she a good cook?'
'Naw, she can't cook too well.'
'Does she have lots of money?'
'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
'Well, then, is she good in bed?'
'I don't know.'
'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'
'Because she can still drive!'
old guys are out walking. First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'
Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'
Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer.'
man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid.
It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's
'Really,' answered the neighbor . 'What kind is it?'
an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few
days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with
a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're
really doing great, aren't you?'
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc! 'Get a hot mamma
and be cheerful.''
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart
murmur; be careful.'
little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled
himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his
breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'
before you 'forget', send them on to some other folks you know
who could use a good laugh!
D - Wonder Bread
2. G - Cassius Clay
3. B - He is us
4. A - Good night, Chet
5. G - When you brush your teeth with Pepsodent
6. D - Maynard G. Krebs
7. C - Pants on fire
8. F - The American Way
9. C - It's Howdy Doody Time
10. E - Oh my
11. D - Over 30
12. C - Joe Namath
13. G - A little dab'll do ya
14. G - On Blueberry Hill
15. B - Mary Martin
16. G - John, Paul, George, Ringo
17. D - Who wrote the book of Love
18. B - Cause I eats me spinach
19. A - Smile, you're on Candid Camera
20. F - Melt in your mouth not in your hand