Gaga's latest shoes. Yes, the heels depict just what you think.
dog legs here!
what happens when you fool around?
then, there's this...
"Don't run around with a fork!"
"Don't fork around while running!"
Last photo of its kind.
Represented are Norway, Bulgaria, Portugal, the German
Empire, Greece, Belgium, Spain, Great Britain, and Denmark.
The Female Orgasm
Why do they exist?
Points To Ponder
Paraprosdokian sentences... Say what?
"paraprosdokian" is a figure of speech in which
the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected
in a way that causes the reader or listener to re-frame or
reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous
or dramatic effect.
Do not argue with an idiot
because he will drag you down to his level and beat you with
I want to die peacefully in
my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like
the passengers in his car.
The last thing I want to do
is hurt you, but it's still on the list.
Light travels faster than sound,
so this is why some people appear bright until you hear them
If I agreed with you, we'd
both be wrong.
We never really grow up, we
only learn how to act in public.
War does not determine who
is right -- only who is left.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato
is a fruit -- wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
The early bird might get the
worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Evening news is where they
begin with, "Good evening," and then proceed to
tell you why it isn't.
To steal ideas from one person
is plagiarism -- to steal from many is research.
A bus station is where a bus
stops -- a train station is where a train stops -- my desk
is a work station.
How is it that one careless
match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to
start a campfire?
Dolphins are so smart that
within a few weeks of captivity they can train people to stand
on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
I thought I wanted a career
-- turns out I just wanted pay checks.
A bank is a place that will
lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
Whenever I fill out an application,
in the part that says, "In an emergency, notify ...",
I put "DOCTOR."
I didn't say it was your fault,
I said I was blaming you.
Why does someone believe you
when you say there are four billion stars, but check when
you say the paint is wet?
Why do Americans choose from
just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
Behind every successful man
is his woman -- behind the fall of a successful man is usually
A clear conscience is usually
the sign of a bad memory.
You don't need a parachute
to skydive -- you only need a parachute to skydive twice.
The voices in my head may not
be real, but they have some good ideas!
Always borrow money from a
pessimist -- he won't expect it back.
Hospitality: making your guests
feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
Money can't buy happiness,
but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
I discovered I scream the same
way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark
or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
Some cause happiness wherever
they go, others whenever they go.
There's a fine line between
cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
I used to be indecisive --
now I'm not sure.
When tempted to fight fire
with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses
You're never too old to learn
Nostalgia isn't what it used
A bus is a vehicle that runs
twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
If you are supposed to learn
from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one
Change is inevitable, except
from a vending machine.
A missed communication. Say what?
A man is lying in his hospital bed with an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse came in and started giving him a sponge bath.
"Nurse," he mumbles through the mask, "Are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed the young nurse replied, "I don't know sir, I'm just to wash your upper body and your feet."
The man struggled to ask again, "Are my testicles black? Please check for me."
Concerned that the man might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles she overcame her embarrassment and pulled back his covers. She raised his gown, held his manhood in one hand and peered closely at his testicles.
After studying them intently, she said, "There's nothing wrong with them sir, they look fine to me."
The man laboriously removed the oxygen mask, smiled at the nurse, and said very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was really nice. Now listen very closely, and read my lips... A-R-E M-Y T-E-S-T R-E-S-U-L-T-S B-A-C-K?" --
See Patriotic Photos.