1. A bicycle can't stand alone: It's two tired.

2. A will: Is a dead giveaway.

3. Time Flies like an arrow; Fruit Flies like a banana.

4. A backward poet writes inverse.

5. A chicken crossing the road: Poultry in motion.

6. When a clock is hungry: It goes back four seconds.

7. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine: Was fully recovered.

8. You are stuck with your debt: If you can't budge it.

9. He broke into song: Because he couldn't find the key.

10. A calendar's days: Are numbered.

11. A boiled egg: Is Hard to beat.

12. He had a photographic memory: Which was never developed.

13. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison: A small medium at large.

14. Those who get too big for their britches: Will be exposed in the end.

15. When you've seen one shopping centre: You've seen a-mall.

16. If you jump off a Paris bridge: You are in Seine.

17. When she saw her first strands of grey hair: She thought she'd dye.

18. Santa's helpers are: Subordinate clauses.

19. Acupuncture: A jab well done.

20. Marathon runners with bad shoes: Suffer the agony of de-feet.

21. The roundest Knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference: He acquired his size from too much pi.

22. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island: But it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

23. She was only a whisky maker: But he loved her still.

24. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class: Because it was a weapon
of math disruption.

25. No matter how much you push the envelope: It'll still be stationery.

26. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road: And was cited for littering.

27. Two silk worms had a race: They ended up in a tie.

28. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall: The police are looking into it.

29. Atheism: Is a non-prophet organization.

30. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger: Then it hit me.

31. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

32. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was: A nurse said, 'No change yet.'