Birds
of a feather flock together ... and then they crap all over
your car.
A penny
saved is a government oversight.
The older
you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then
your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
The easiest
way to find something lost around the house is to buy a
replacement.
He who
hesitates is probably right.
Did you
ever notice: The Roman numeral for our number forty (40)
is XL.
If you
can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind
to blame.
The sole
purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when
he's really in trouble.
Did you
ever notice: When you put the words 'The' and 'IRS' together
it spells 'Theirs'.
Aging:
Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about
your age and start bragging about it.
Some
people try to turn back their 'odometers.' Not me, I want
people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long
way and some of the roads weren't paved.
When
you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth,
think about Algebra.
You know
you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
One of
the many things no one tells you about aging is that it
is such a nice change from being young. It's true, being
young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
