These
hilarious historical insults are from an era before
English was reduced to the use of four letter words.
An exchange between Winston Churchill
and Lady Astor:
She
said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison."
He
said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."
A member of Parliament to Disraeli:
"Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable
disease."
"That
depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your
policies or your mistress."
"He had delusions of adequacy."
-- Walter Kerr
"He has all the virtues
I dislike and none of the vices I admire." -- Winston Churchill
"I have never killed a
man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
-- Clarence Darrow
"He has never been known
to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
-- William Faulkner about Ernest Hemingway
"Thank you for sending
me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." --
Moses Hadas
"I didn't attend the funeral,
but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." -- Mark
Twain
"He has no enemies, but
is intensely disliked by his friends." -- Oscar Wilde
"I am enclosing two tickets
to the first night of my new play; bring a friend... if you have
one." -- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second...
if there is one." -- Winston Churchill's response
"I feel so miserable without
you; it's almost like having you here." -- Stephen Bishop
"He is a self-made man
and worships his creator." -- John Bright
"I've just learned about
his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." -- Irvin S.
Cobb
"He is not only dull himself;
he is the cause of dullness in others." -- Samuel Johnson
"In order to avoid being
called a flirt, she always yielded easily." -- Charles Count
Talleyrand
"Why do you sit there
looking like an envelope without any address on it?" -- Mark
Twain
"His mother should have
thrown him away and kept the stork." -- Mae West
"Some cause happiness
wherever they go; others, whenever they go." -- Oscar Wilde
"He uses statistics as
a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination."
-- Andrew Lang
"He has Van Gogh's ear
for music." -- Billy Wilde
"I've had a perfectly
wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." -- Groucho Marx
