1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much lunch. Though his wife reports twas his EYE FOR PI!

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

21. A backward poet writes inverse.

22. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste for religion.

24. Don't join dangerous cults. Practice safe sects!

And then there's this.

98% of people say, 'Oh, shit!' before sliding into a ditch on an ice-slick road. The other 2% are like Bubba. They say, 'Hold my beer, and watch this!'