Bubba's
Meticul Turms
Artery: the study of paintings
Bacteria: the back door of a cafeteria
Barium: what doctors do when a patient dies
Bowel: a letter like: a, e, i, o or u
Cesarean Section: a neighborhood in Rome
Cat Scan: searching for a lost kitty
Cauterize: made eye contact with her
Colic: a sheep dog
D & C: where Washington is
Dilate: to live longer than expected
Enema: not a friend
Fester: quicker
Genital: not a Jew
G. I. Series: a soldier ball game
Hangnail: a coat hook
Impotent: distinguished, well known
Labor Pain: getting hurt at work
Medical Staff: a doctor's cane
Morbid: a higher offer
Nitrates: cheaper than day rates
Node: was aware of
Outpatient: a person who has fainted
Pap Smear: a fatherhood test
Pelvis: a cousin of Elvis
Postoperative: an undercover letter carrier
Recovery Room: a place to do upholstery
Rectum: dang near killed 'em
Seizure: a Roman emperor
Tablet: a small table
Terminal Illness: getting sick at the airport
Tumor: one more than one
Urine: the opposite of "you're out"
Varicose: nearby
Vein: conceited
From
Bubba's
Dictionary
1.
Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight
one has gained.
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat
stomach.
4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when
wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n. Garlic-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone
who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by
proctologists.
13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with
Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the
soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts
worn by Jewish men.
Bubba's Wailing Wall
Bubba's wdros ...
Can you raed tehm?
The
pheeanmonl poewr of the hmaun mnid is amnizag. I colud not
bvleiee taht I cluod atclauly usdnaretnd waht I was readnig.
Acrodncig to a recsehrear at Cbmadgrie Uinrtesivy, it deos
not metatr in waht oderr the lteters in a wrod are; the olny
iortmnpat tnihg is taht the fsirt and lsat lteter be in the
rihgt palce. The rset can be a tatol mses and you can stlil
raed it wtihuot a poblerm. Tihs is besuace the hmuan mnid
deos not raed ervey lteter by iltesf, but rdaes the wodrs
as a wohle. Aminzag, and I was awalys taguht taht sllenipg
was itoapmnrt.
Bbbua's
wrdos usnrcmbaeld.
The
phenomenal power of the human mind is amazing. I could not
believe that I could actually understand what I was reading.
According to a researcher at Cambridge University, it does
not matter in what order the letters in a word are; the only
important thing is that the first and last letter be in the
right place. The rest can be a total mess and you can still
read it without a problem. This is because the human mind
does not read every letter by itself, but reads the words
as a whole. Amazing, and I was always taught that spelling
was important.
See
if you can usnrcmbael tshee.
Aetfr
a fsulh, the toielt bwol slohud get patallriy felild wtih
wtaer. The wetar enrets the bwol turhogh the ovlorfew ppie,
a vietacrl ppie in the mildde of the tnak. The wtear geos
itno the ofervolw ppie trgohuh a silm rbuber tbue form the
relfil vavle or blal ccok, whcih is at the lfet of the tnak.
Rmoeve the lid form the tleoit tnak and cchek the wtear lveel
wehn the tnak is cellmeptoy fleild; it shloud be auobt one
icnh beolw the top of the ooelvrfw tbue. If wtear in the tnak
is hhiger and is fwonlig itno the olrovefw ppie, it culod
eaiplxn why the wetar cnnouites to run forveer.
Bubba's
Nonsents Kwiz
How do you catch a unique rabbit?
Unique up on it.
How do you catch a tame rabbit?
Tame way.
How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path.
How do you get holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
What do fish say when they hit a concrete wall?
"Dam!"
What do eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroid's.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A stick.
What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho cheese.
What do you call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate clauses.
What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand?
Quattro sinko.
What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef.
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him.
Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers.
Why don't blind people like to sky dive?
Because it scares the dog.
What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?
Sanka.
Why did the pilgrims' pants always fall down?
Because they wore their belt buckle on their hat.
What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
A bad golfer goes, whack ... "Dang!" A bad skydiver
goes, "Dang!" ... Whack.
How are a Texas tornado and a Tennessee divorce the same?
Somebody's gonna lose a trailer.
Every smile is a direct achievement!
