Today's
Quotes
Marriage
changes your passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with 'Guess' on it. So I said,
'Implants?' She hit me.
How come we choose
from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss
America?
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my
own pants.
I signed up for
an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If
I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the
first place!
When I was young we used to go 'skinny dipping,' now I just 'chunky
dunk.'
Don't argue with
an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply
press 'Ctrl-Alt-Delete' and start all over?
Why is it that
our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?
Wouldn't you know it ... Brain cells come and brain cells go, but
FAT cells live forever.
Why do I have
to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be
displayed outside?
Turtles
can breathe through their butts.
(It
seems like some people can do that, too!)
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