REASONS NOT TO MESS WITH KIDS

PARENTS...BE ON YOUR GUARD

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".

A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."

The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.

After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"

Without a pause one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shalt not kill."

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.

She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"

Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Mama, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, he's a doctor.'

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead!"

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."

"Yes," the class said.

"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"

A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching."

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples. --

PARENTS...KNOW WHERE YOUR KIDS ARE

KIDS...ON THE SUBJECT OF MARRIAGE

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like,
if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports,
and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
Alan, age 10

No person really decides before they grow up who they're
going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get
to find out later who you're stuck with.
Kirsten, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the
person FOREVER by then.
Camille, age 10

No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to
get married.
Freddie, age 6

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE
MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem
to be yelling at the same kids.
Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE
IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.
Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them
to get to know each other. Even boys have something
to say if you listen long enough.
Lynnette, age 8

On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that
usually gets them interested enough for a second date.
Martin, age 10

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS
TURNING SOUR?
I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call
all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me
in all the dead columns.
Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they're rich.
Pam, age 7

The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't
want to mess with that.
Curt, age 7

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you
should marry them and have kids. It's the right thing to do.
Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need
someone to clean up after them.
Anita, age 9

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE
DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
Kelvin, age 8

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a
truck.
Ricky, age 10 --

KIDS...ON GOD

A fifth grade teacher in a Christian school asked her class to look at TV commercials and see if they could use them in some way to communicate ideas about God.

These are some of the results.

God is like BAYER ASPIRIN.
He works miracles.

God is like FORD.
He's got a better idea.

God is like COKE.
He's the real thing.

God is like HALLMARK CARDS.
He cares enough to send His very best.

God i s like TIDE.
He gets the stains out that others leave behind.

God is like GENERAL ELECTRIC.
He brings good things to life.

God is like SEARS.
He has everything.

God is like ALKA-SELTZER.
Try Him, you'll like Him.

God is like SCOTCH TAPE.
You can't see Him, but you know He's there.

God is like DELTA.
He's ready when you are.

God is like ALLSTATE.
You're in good hands with Him.

God is like VO-5 HAIR SPRAY.
He holds through all kinds of weather.

God is like DIAL SOAP.
Aren't you glad you have Him? Don't you wish everybody did?

God is like the U.S. POST OFFICE.
Neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet nor ice will keep Him from His appointed destination.

God is like CHEVROLET.
The heart beat of America.

God is like MAXWELL HOUSE.
Good to the very last drop.

God is like BOUNTY.
He is the quicker picker upper ... can handle the tough jobs ... and He won't fall apart on you. --