Lady Gaga's latest shoes. Yes, the heels depict just what you think.

No dog legs here!

See what happens when you fool around?

And then, there's this...

Mom: "Don't run around with a fork!"

Kid: "Don't fork around while running!"

Nine Kings

Last photo of its kind.
Represented are Norway, Bulgaria, Portugal, the German
Empire, Greece, Belgium, Spain, Great Britain, and Denmark.

The Female Orgasm

Why do they exist?

Points To Ponder

Paraprosdokian sentences... Say what?

A "paraprosdokian" is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to re-frame or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect.

Do not argue with an idiot because he will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it's still on the list.

Light travels faster than sound, so this is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

War does not determine who is right -- only who is left.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit -- wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Evening news is where they begin with, "Good evening," and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism -- to steal from many is research.

A bus station is where a bus stops -- a train station is where a train stops -- my desk is a work station.

How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

I thought I wanted a career -- turns out I just wanted pay checks.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, "In an emergency, notify ...", I put "DOCTOR."

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

Behind every successful man is his woman -- behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

You don't need a parachute to skydive -- you only need a parachute to skydive twice.

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Always borrow money from a pessimist -- he won't expect it back.

Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.

Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

Some cause happiness wherever they go, others whenever they go.

There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

I used to be indecisive -- now I'm not sure.

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

You're never too old to learn something stupid.

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

A missed communication. Say what?

A man is lying in his hospital bed with an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse came in and started giving him a sponge bath.

"Nurse," he mumbles through the mask, "Are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed the young nurse replied, "I don't know sir, I'm just to wash your upper body and your feet."

The man struggled to ask again, "Are my testicles black? Please check for me."

Concerned that the man might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles she overcame her embarrassment and pulled back his covers. She raised his gown, held his manhood in one hand and peered closely at his testicles.

After studying them intently, she said, "There's nothing wrong with them sir, they look fine to me."

The man laboriously removed the oxygen mask, smiled at the nurse, and said very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was really nice. Now listen very closely, and read my lips... A-R-E   M-Y   T-E-S-T   R-E-S-U-L-T-S   B-A-C-K?" --

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