Steve Jobs - February 24, 1955 - October 5, 2011

Life According To Steve Jobs

We've never worried about numbers. In the market place, Apple is trying to focus the spotlight on products, because products really make a difference. [...] Ad campaigns are necessary for competition; IBM's ads are everywhere. But good PR educates people; that's all it is. You can't con people in this business. The products speak for themselves.

That's been one of my mantras -- focus and simplicity. Simple can be harder than complex: You have to work hard to get your thinking clean to make it simple. But it's worth it in the end because once you get there, you can move mountains.

The most compelling reason for most people to buy a computer for the home will be to link it into a nationwide communications network. We're just in the beginning stages of what will be a truly remarkable breakthrough for most people--as remarkable as the telephone.

It's really hard to design products by focus groups. A lot of times, people don't know what they want until you show it to them.

Picasso had a saying: 'Good artists copy, great artists steal.' We have always been shameless about stealing great ideas...I think part of what made the Macintosh great was that the people working on it were musicians, poets, artists, zoologists and historians who also happened to be the best computer scientists in the world.

You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something -- your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything -- all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart. ... Stay hungry. Stay foolish.

I read a study that measured the efficiency of locomotion for various species on the planet. The condor used the least energy to move a kilometer. Humans came in with a rather unimpressive showing about a third of the way down the list....That didn't look so good, but then someone at Scientific American had the insight to test the efficiency of locomotion for a man on a bicycle, and a man on a bicycle blew the condor away. That's what a computer is to me: the computer is the most remarkable tool that we've ever come up with. It's the equivalent of a bicycle for our minds.

My model for business is The Beatles. They were four guys who kept each other's kind of negative tendencies in check. They balanced each other and the total was greater than the sum of the parts (1 Plus 1 Equals 11). That's how I see business: great things in business are never done by one person, they're done by a team of people.
Steve Jobs, Apple Co-founder

Steve Jobs' Last Words

Steve Jobs

The last words of the late, much-lauded and much-quoted Steve Jobs were revealed a few days after the Apple co-founder died on October 5, 2011, at the age of 56.

Jobs, who once memorably described death as "very likely the single best invention of life", departed this world with a lingering look at his family and this simple, if mysterious, exclamation: "Oh, wow! Oh, wow! Oh, wow!"

Details of his final moments came from his sister Mona Simpson, who has allowed the New York Times to publish the eulogy she delivered at his memorial service on October 16, 2011. In it, she explains how she rushed to Jobs's bedside after he asked her to come to see him as soon as possible.

"His tone was affectionate, dear, loving, but like someone whose luggage was already strapped onto the vehicle, who was already on the beginning of his journey, even as he was sorry, truly deeply sorry, to be leaving us," she writes.

When she arrived, she found Jobs surrounded by his family – "he looked into his children's eyes as if he couldn't unlock his gaze," – and managing to hang on to consciousness, she said.

However, he began to deteriorate. "His breathing changed. It became severe, deliberate, purposeful. I could feel him counting his steps again, pushing farther than before. This is what I learned: he was working at this, too. Death didn't happen to Steve, he achieved it."

After making it through one final night, wrote Simpson, her brother began to slip away. "His breath indicated an arduous journey, some steep path, altitude. He seemed to be climbing.

"But with that will, that work ethic, that strength, there was also sweet Steve's capacity for wonderment, the artist's belief in the ideal, the still more beautiful later.

"Steve's final words, hours earlier, were monosyllables, repeated three times.

"Before embarking, he'd looked at his sister Patty, then for a long time at his children, then at his life's partner, Laurene, and then over their shoulders past them.

"Steve's final words were: 'Oh, wow! Oh, wow! Oh, wow!'"

Simpson, a novelist and English professor, also used the eulogy to pay tribute to some of her late brother's beliefs – and idiosyncrasies.

"Novelty was not Steve's highest value," she writes. "Beauty was. For an innovator, Steve was remarkably loyal. If he loved a shirt, he'd order 10 or 100 of them. In the Palo Alto house, there are probably enough black cotton turtlenecks for everyone in this church."

Although the precise meaning of Jobs's ultimate utterance is hard to pin down, it will further fuel interest in a man who continues to captivate the business and creative worlds even after death. http://www.guardian.co.uk --

Have you ever wondered at the implications of the fact that the number 1 and the word I are the same?
See God and me, me and God are One See You Are IT

People were created to be loved. Things were created to be used. The reason the world is in chaos is because things are being loved and people are being used.
The Dalai Lama

The most difficult thing is the decision to act. The rest is merely tenacity.
Amelia Earhart

I slept and I dreamed that life is all joy. I woke and I saw that life is all service. I served and I saw that service is joy. 
Kahlil Gibran

Coontrol oil and you control nations. Control food and you control people.
Henry Kissinger

Politics is show busiess for ugly people.
Jay Leno

Life According To Phyllis Diller

Phyllis Diller

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age.
As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like
shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never
wear the same outfit in public.

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford.
Then I want to move in with them.

Most children threaten at times to run away from home.
This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.

Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument,
a bank has just been robbed.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them
to walk and talk and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up.

Burt Reynolds once asked me out.
I was in his room.

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job
the next day.

The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got
gin in the steam iron.

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive.
My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle
- keep away from children.

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?'
He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'

The reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so you
can't see him laughing.

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
Phyllis Diller

The knowledge and intelligence that are required to be good at a task are often the same qualities needed to recognize that one is not good at that task -- and if one lacks such knowledge and intelligence, one remains ignorant that one is not good at the task. This includes political judgment. Essentially, they’re not smart enough to realize they’re dumb.
David Dunning

Succession planning: “A systematic effort designed to ensure the continued effective performance of an organization by making provision for the development and replacement of key people over time.
William Rothwell

It's always impossible until it's done.
Nelson Mandela

The word ‘facetious’ contains all the vowels, in alphabetical order.

The word SLANG is short for SECRET LANGUAGE.

Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis is the longest English word in Oxford Dictionary.

Behind every great fortune lies a great crime.
The Godfather

The past is relatively irrelevant, the present is short, and the future is doubtful, so for what are you waiting?
Anonymous

Man: The seed of life -- Woman: The portal of life.

There are two kinds of success -- initial and ultimate.
Winston Churchill

Happiness is finding your 'Depends' empty.
Anonymous Octogenarian

The Haves and The Have-nots

The Haves                                                       The Have-nots

TODAY IS THE OLDEST YOU'VE EVER BEEN, YET THE YOUNGEST YOU'LL EVER BE - SO ENJOY THIS DAY WHILE IT LASTS.
Your kids are becoming you...
Going out is good... Coming home is better!
You forget names... But it's OK because other people forgot they even knew you!
You realize you're never going to be really good at anything.
The things you used to care to do, you no longer care to do, but you really do care that you don't care to do them anymore.
You sleep better on a lounge chair with the TV blaring than in bed. It's called "pre-sleep".
You miss the days when everything worked with just an "ON" and "OFF" switch.
You tend to use more 4 letter words ... "what?"... "when?"... "what?" ???
Now that you can afford expensive jewelry, it's not safe to wear it anywhere.
You notice everything they sell in stores is "sleeveless"!
What used to be freckles are now liver spots.
Everybody whispers.
You have 3 sizes of clothes in your closet... 2 of which you will never wear.
But Old is good in some things: Old Songs, Old movies, and best of all, Old Friends!
Unknown Senior

LEXOPHILIA

WHO ON EARTH DREAMS THESE UP?
How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.
Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Typo.
I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
When chemists die, they barium.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
Broken pencils are pointless.
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
Velcro - what a rip off!
Don’t worry about old age; it doesn’t last.
Unknown Lexophile

In a conversation about Max's Erectile Dysfunction, John (Jack Lemmon) asks Max (Walter Matthau) if his attempts to make love end up being a matter of "a stick up or a hold up?" Grumpier Old Men

Warner Bros. Pictures

Preach the gospel at all times; when necessary, use words.
Francis of Assisi NOT

Think about it. Religion has actually convinced people that there’s an invisible man, living in the sky, who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of 10 things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these 10 things he has a special place full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever till the end of time. BUT HE LOVES YOU! He loves you, and he needs money. He always needs MONEY!
George Carlin

Thus said Banda Singh:
I will uphold the dharma’s shield!
With all my might to thee I yield.
To do so I must lose this doubt
That I would now ask thee about.
How can I make the differentiation
If not by sect, creed, clan, race, or nation
‘Tween those who love dharma and those who do not:
I want to be sure I protect whom I ought.

Guns don't decide who is right. Guns decide who is left.
Paramjit Singh

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let himkeep her.
King David

Did you know that back in 1912, Hellmann's Mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York. This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico... But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank. The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning. The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th, and it is known, of course, as Sinko De Mayo.

Question: What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic? Answer

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Sasha Guitry

Head is a computer. Heart has the power of 108 suns. Heart center is the strongest of all centers. Whenever you pray with the head, it will take so long-you have to go through the intellect, thought, circumstance, environment, space and time. Whenever you sing or pray from the heart, it will be timeless, spaceless, and absolutely effective.
Yogi Bhajan

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates

You must understand and learn to be a woman if you want to live as a woman. You can never win by ego and you can never sell yourself. Therefore, to be you, you have to find you within you, and on that ground you have to project. Project what? The only thing you can project is that you are good forever. There is nothing in you more permanent than your own grace. There is nothing more powerful in you than your own wisdom.
Yogi Bhajan

ARAPROSDOKIANS are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence is unexpected. Winston Churchill loved them. Examples:

1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
2. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
3. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
4. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
5. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
6. They begin the evening news with 'Good Evening,' then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
7. To steal ideas from someone is plagiarism. To steal from many is called research.
8. In filling in an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency', notify: I put 'DOCTOR.'
9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
10. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they look sexy.
11. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
12. A clear conscience is the sign of a bad memory.
13. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
14. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. Nor is there any future in it.
15. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
16. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in your garage makes you a car.
17. I am not arguing with you, I am explaining why you are wrong.
18. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one, now.

The great question, which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?"
Dumas

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Sigmund Freud

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
Red Skelton

There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.
Sam Kinison

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Anonymous

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget itonce.
Nash

Thus spoke Guru Gobind Singh:
In every great life comes a moment of test.
Thus have I faced both the worst and the best.
The evil are those who would oppose justice;
The allies support it and show that they trust us.
Many the Muslims who fought by my side;
Right beside me some of them bravely died
Defending the Truth for all to enjoy
Regardless the worship that they employ.
My Muslim disciples saved me from great dangers,
While some of the Sikhs turned from me like strangers,
One’s clan does not indicate if he is good,
But his heart and actions most certainly could.
One shouldn’t expect external signs to portray
What only the depth of the heart can convey.
It has little to do with religious systems,
With external customs or with narrow dictums.
So learn to look into the heart of a man -
That tells you much more than appearances can.
We Sikhs base our judgment on virtue, not creed.
A truly good man shows his worth by his deed.
We gladly accept all, and we will exclude none,
For after all, we are the same - we are the One.
A dialogue between Guru Gobind Singh and Banda Singh Bahadur

INVICTUS
(Undefeated)

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
William Ernest Henley

What's wrong with this picture?

Ye ole recycling 'spirit'

The use of music for spiritual attainment and healing of the soul, which was prevalent in ancient times, is not found to the same extent today. Music has been made a pastime, the means of forgetting God instead of realizing God.
Hazrat Inayat Khan

"The fool will persist in his folly until he becomes wise." -- William Blake

Due to the power and corrupting influence of big pharma, the teaching of nutritional science and the use of vitamin and herbal supplements is not taught to any significant extent in our medical schools. The obvious reason is that less use of their prescription drugs would be the result.
H. S. Khalsa

We haven't come this far because we're made of sugar candy.
Winston Churchill during the darkest days of World War II

It is always the right time to do the right thing.
Dr. Martin Luther King

A picture is worth a thousand words. An icon is worth a thousand pictures.
H. S. Khalsa

Socialism never took root in America because the poor see themselves not as an exploited proletariat, but as temporarily embarrassed millionaires."
John Steinbeck

Yeah, right!

A blind man enters a Ladies bar by mistake. He finds his way to a barstool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender: "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says: "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair - given that you are blind - that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6 feet tall, 160 LB. blonde woman with a black belt in Karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is a blonde and a proffesional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head and declares: "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times". Anonymous

Adversity makes men, and prosperity makes monsters.
Victor Hugo

Men cannot stop the Third World War. It is not in their cells. But women can. A man can love a child, but he doesn't go through the labor pain. The solutions on this Earth are not in the hands of men. The solutions on this Earth are in the hands of the woman, in the psyche of the woman.
Yogi Bhajan 7/10/1986

You are the first teacher. You are the first introduction. Can you deny it? What a mother teaches a child in the womb cannot be learned on the Earth. That's why I ask you, after 120 days, just to meditate. Soul has entered. Walk and meditate, Charan Japa Kriya (meditation recommended for expectant parents. Walk 3 miles together daily, chanting ‘Wha Hay Guru,’ one step per syllable).
Yogi Bhajan 6/28/1994

Find happiness within you. Find an attitude of gratitude. Be happy with what God has given you. Then all happiness will find you, because birds of the same feather flock together. If you are happy, happiness will come to you, because happiness wants to go where happiness is.
Yogi Bhajan

Sadhana we do only so that we can be clear headed...Sadhana is a test of self-grit. If your Sadhana is more important than your neurosis, you are fine. If your neurosis is more important than your Sadhana you are not. Doesn’t matter how saintly you are, nobody wants to get up in the ambrosial hours. Why you still do it is a mystery. At that time, between 3 and 6 o’clock, the rays of the sun pass at 60 degrees and you want to feel relaxed. You take a cold shower, wake up and meditate. Why do you repeat the mantra hundreds of times? To create a stamina, an absolute mental stamina. Without that there is no chance for the life to be smooth. If somebody refuses to exercise, nobody can force him. But at that one moment in life when that person needs physical stamina, it won’t be there. Sadhana is what your mental stamina requires. Love is what your spiritual stamina requires.
Yogi Bhajan

I tell you today and I’ll tell you tomorrow and I’ll tell you every day: You have only one friend – you and your discipline, which will give you all that you need. The rest are all promises. After studying every scripture of every religion and what I went through, I have found that there are three words: Sadhana, Aradhana, and Prabhupati. Sadhana means discipline, Aradhana means perfecting the discipline, and Prabhupati means you will become the Lord Master of God Itself.
Yogi Bhajan 7/20/1996

You have to understand the purpose of life. The purpose of life is to do something, which will live forever.
Yogi Bhajan

Either you can learn at the hands of the Teacher, or you can learn at the hands of Time.
Yogi Bhajan

This mind, from life, after life, after life, has built up dirt and blackness and it has become so dark that nothing can get through. What made the mind dirty? Uncommitted deeds. What can make it clean? Commitment!
Yogi Bhajan

Commitment!

Every accomplishment starts with the decision to show up. It's called commitment.
Hari Singh Bird

Education is what you get from reading the small print. Experience is what you get from not reading it.
US Congressman Carl Albert

The Synergetic Equation: 1 plus 1 equals 11. That moment of shared experience when me becomes we.
1Plus1Equals11.com

Written across the wall of the newly discovered cave were the following symbols:

It was considered a unique find and the writings were said to be at least 3000 years old! The piece of stone was removed, brought to the museum, and archaeologists from around the world came to study the ancient symbols. They held a huge meeting after months of conferences to discuss the meaning of the markings.

The President of the society pointed to first drawing and said:

"This is a woman. We can see these people held women in high esteem. You can also tell they were intelligent, as the next symbol is a donkey, so they were smart enough to have animals help them till the soil.

The next drawing is a shovel, which means they had tools to help them.

Even further proof of their high intelligence is the fish which means that if a famine hit the earth and food didn't grow, they seek food from the sea. The last symbol appears to be the Star of David which means they were evidently Hebrews.

The audience applauded enthusiastically.

Then a little old Jewish man stood up in the back of the room and said, "Idiots ... Hebrew is read from right to left ... It says: 'Holy Mackerel, Dig the Ass on that Chick'."
A Jewish Friend

Having a bad day? Zen read this ...
It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
The most wasted day of all is one in which we have not laughed!
Zome Zen Notes

Four Females and One Male

DEAR DR. WALLACE: I read your column regularly. I enjoy finding out the various concerns of teens and how you suggest that they go about solving their problems. But I must take issue with one of your statements. You said that couples who live together without being married are more likely to get a divorce once they do "tie the knot." I find this very difficult to believe. Where did you get this information? I'd really like to know. I'm 19 and so is my "live-in" boy friend, Jeff. We have a wonderful relationship and plan to get married next summer. We decided to live together to see if we were compatible. We definitely are. That's why we're getting married. Carmen -- New York

DEAR CARMEN: Brigham Young University conducted a study this year on cohabitation and found that when it comes to marriage, practice doesn't make perfect. Researcher Jeffrey Larson stated, "We find strong evidence that the marriages of those who lived together before getting married are less satisfied and more unstable than those who didn't." The study in which researchers reviewed 50 years of data showed that couples have a 50 percent greater chance of divorce if they lived together prior to marriage than those who didn't. Factors against living together before marriage include: later regret that couples had "violated" their moral standards; tension with parents over the live-in arrangement, and disillusionment when living together didn't make the marriage work.When partners who lived together marry, many times one or both "feel a loss of personal freedom" to take off when things go wrong. It also was noted that many of those who chose to live together without being married do so because they are poor marriage risks. The study further states that living together is not a trial marriage because of the psychological differences in both relationships. Presently, (1993) the US Census Bureau says that 6,085,284 unmarried, opposite-sex couples live together.
Dr. Robert Wallace

He who binds to himself a joy
Does the winged life destroy; 
But he who kisses the joy as it flies,
Lives in eternity's sun rise.
William Blake

Your value is not in how many experiences you have had. It is in your stability -- in how much sacrifice you can do. Your value is in how effectively and how consistently you can live for others. Your value is in how you can take command of yourself and others in any situation. Your value is in your capability of firmly planting yourself in the neutrality of your higher consciousness and standing as a pillar of strength, turning every negative to a positive. Your value is how quickly you are there when the call comes.
Yogi Bhajan

Happiness is not a reward -- it is a consequence. Suffering is not a punishment -- it is a result.
Robert Green Ingersoll

E-Mooning

E-mooning is the newest phenomenon.
We all know those cute little computer symbols called 'E-moticons,' where

:) means a smile, and :( means a frown.

Well, how about some 'Ass-icons’ where

(_!_) means a regular ass

(__!__) means a fat ass

(!) means a tight ass

(_*_) means an ass hole

{_!_} means a swishy ass

(_o_) means an ass that's been around

(_x_) means kiss my ass

(_X_) means leave my ass alone

(_zzz_) means a tired ass

(_E=mc2_) means a smart ass

(_$_) means money coming out of his ass

(_?_) means Dumb Ass -- (See The Best Smart Ass Answers.)

Ralph Waldo Emerson was of the opinion that any time is a good time if you know what to do with it. --

The practice of medicine is so specialized today that each doctor is a healer of one disease and no more.
Herodotus - 430 BC

"The essence of a lady is a woman who has the ability to reveal everything yet compromises nothing." --

A 100% natural product is one that the raw material has not been technically or physically treated with high temperatures, pressures, vacuum or chemicals, including chemical solvents and ingredients derived from petro or coal-tar chemistry which can tend to be carcinogenic. A reasonable standard for natural products is one that does not contain, in high or low concentrations, artificial color, fragrances, additives and chemical preservatives such as parabenes, urea derivatives or formaldehyde products.
Dr. Jurgen Klein

A rich person is not one who has the most, but is one who needs the least.
The Interview with God

Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
Satchel Page

"The most effective discipline always is administered through kindness." --

A life is not important except in the impact it has on other lives.
Jackie Robinson

We do less all day than most people do before sunrise.
Maytag Repairman ad

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
Albert Einstein See More.

Progressive Initiatives

The Ten Commandments of How to Get Along With People
1) Keep skid chains on your tongue; always say less than you think. Cultivate a low, persuasive voice. How you say it often counts more than what you say.

2) Make promises sparingly, and keep them faithfully, no matter what it costs.

3) Never let an opportunity pass to say a kind and encouraging word to or about somebody. Praise good work, regardless of who did it. If criticism is needed, criticize helpfully, never spitefully.

4) Be interested in others, their pursuits, and their work, their homes and families. Make merry with those who rejoice; with those who weep, mourn. Let everyone you meet, however humble, feel that you regard them as a person of importance.

5) Be cheerful. Don't burden or depress those around you by dwelling on your minor aches and pains and small disappointments. Remember that everyone is carrying some kind of a load.

6) Keep an open mind. Discuss but don't argue. It is a mark of a superior mind to be able to disagree without being disagreeable.

7) Let your virtues, if you have any, speak for themselves. Refuse to talk of another's vices.
Discourage gossip. It is a waste of valuable time and can be extremely destructive.

8) Be careful of another's feelings. Wit and humor at the other person's expense are rarely worth it and may hurt when least expected.

9) Pay no attention to ill-natured remarks about you. Remember that the person who carried the message may not be the most accurate reporter in the world. Simply live so that nobody will believe them. Disordered nerves and bad digestion are a common cause of backbiting.

10) Don't be too anxious about the credit due you. Do your best, and be patient. Forget about yourself, and let others "remember". Success is much sweeter that way.
Ann Landers

Your value is in whether you can come through for someone. To serve is to succeed.
Hari Singh Khalsa

Turn your wounds into wisdom. You will be wounded many times in your life. You'll make mistakes. Some …will call them failures, but I have learned that failure is really God's way of saying, "Excuse me, you're moving in the wrong direction."
Oprah Winfrey

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.
H. H. Munro, a.k.a. Saki

You can't shake hands with a clenched fist.
Indira Gandhi

A group of sheep led by a lion would always defeat a group of lions led by a sheep.
Egyptian proverb

No religion can have political power without taking away our freedom.
Rev. James D. Farinet

Suppose the Christian Coalition became known for transforming people's lives instead of trying to transform Congress, the White House and the Supreme Court?
Cal Thomas

"While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction and there's nothing you can do about it." --

If you work for a man, in heaven's name, work for him. If he pays you wages, which supply your bread and butter, speak well of him; stand by him and the institution he represents. If put to a pinch, an ounce of loyalty is worth a pound of cleverness. If you must vilify, condemn and eternally disparage -- resign your position, and when you are outside, damn to your heart's content. But as long as you are part of the institution, do not condemn it. If you do that, you are loosening the tendrils that are holding you to the institution, and by the first high wind that comes along, you will be uprooted and blown away, and probably will never know the reason why.
Elbert Hubbard

Children need to see courageous adults holding marriages together whether they're in love or not. What they need to see is people being loving, responsible and mature, no matter how they feel.
Frank Pittman MD

 

There is no progress in art, any more than there is progress in making love. There are simply different ways of doing it.
Man Ray, Photographer and Artist

Do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends?
Abraham Lincoln
(Tact ascribed to Bill Gates and Microsoft.)

"In assessing religion's political role, "we must distinguish between orthodoxy and fundamentalism. Orthodoxy is a response to a religion's loss of piety. Whereas fundamentalism is a religion's response to a loss of power." And, "it can happen that the two are connected."
Arvind Sharma Birks, Professor of Religion, McGill University

Life is what happens to you when you are busy making other plans.
Ann Landers

To speak ill of others is a dishonest way of praising ourselves.
Will Durant

LIFE: "You cannot take hold of it, but you cannot lose it. In not being able to get it, you get it. When you are silent it speaks; when you speak, it is silent. "Let no wise man upset the mind of the ignorant, attached to action; but acting in union with Me, let him render all action attractive."
Bhagavad Gita

"Quality is like buying oats. If you want nice, clean, fresh oats, you must pay a fair price ... however, if you can be satisfied with oats that have already been through the horse ... that comes a little cheaper!" --

A rural doctor's advice on how to avoid high blood pressure: "If it starts to rain, let it." --

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
Edmund Burke - British leader who urged King George to avoid confrontation with the American colonies.

I went to a Inter-Religion Integration Seminar.

The Bishop came, laid his hands on my hand and said, “By the will of Jesus Christ, you will walk today!”

I smiled and told him I was not paralysed.

A Rabbi came, laid his hands on my hand and said, “By the will of God Almighty, you will walk today!

I was less amused when I told him there was nothing wrong with me. The Mullah came, took my hands and said, “Insha Allah, you will walk today!”

I snapped at him, “There’s nothing wrong with me”

The Buddhist Monk came, held my hands and said, “By the will of The Great Buddha, you will walk today!”

I rudely told him there was nothing wrong with me.

Finally, the Hindu priest came , held my hands and said by the will of God you will walk today. I sniggered at him and looked the other way.

After the Seminar, I stepped outside and found my car had been stolen.

I now believe in all Religions, equally.
Anonymous

To My Children ...
When I spill some food on my nice clean dress
Or maybe forget to tie my shoe,
Please be patient and perhaps reminisce
About the many hours I spent with you.
When I taught you how to eat with care,
Plus tying laces and your numbers, too.
Dressing yourself and combing your hair,
Those were precious hours spent with you.
So when I forget what I was about to say,
Just give me a minute - or maybe two.
It probably was not important anyway.
And I would much rather listen just to you.
If I tell the story one more time,
And you know the ending through and through,
Please remember your first nursery rhyme
When I rehearsed it a hundred times with you.
When my legs are tired and it’s hard to stand
Or walk the steady pace that I would like to do,
Please take me carefully by my hand,
And guide me now as I so often did for you.
From a reader of Ann Landers

The Teacher Applicant
After being interviewed by the school administration, the teaching prospect said,
"Let me see if I've got this right:

You want me to go into that room with all those kids and
1. correct their disruptive behavior,
2. observe them for signs of abuse,
3. monitor their dress habits,
4. censor their T-shirt messages,
5. and instill in them a love for learning.

You want me to ...
6. check their backpacks for weapons,
7. wage war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, and
8. raise their sense of self esteem and personal pride.

You want me to ...
9. teach them patriotism and good citizenship, sportsmanship and fair play, and
10. how to register to vote,
11. balance a checkbook, and
12. apply for a job.

You want me to ...
13. check their heads for lice,
14. recognize signs of anti-social behavior, and
15. make sure that they all pass the state exams.

You also want me to ...
16. provide them with an equal education regardless of their handicaps, and
17. communicate regularly with their parents in English and Spanish by letter, telephone, conferences, email, homework hotline, web page, midterm newsletters, and report card.

You want me to do all this with a piece of chalk, a blackboard, a bulletin board, a few books, a big smile, and a starting salary that qualifies me for food stamps.

You want me to do all this and then you tell me ... "YOU CAN'T PRAY!"

ARE YOU NUTS?"
Anonymous

From President George H. W. Bush to President William J. Clinton

Back to the beginning.

Top of page