Who Needs Windows?
Today, Abbott and Costello's
sketch, Who's on First,
might have morphed into something like this.
Bud Abbott and Lou Costello
Costello Calls Abbot To Buy A Computer
Super Duper computer store! Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks! I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking
about buying a computer.
COSTELLO: No ... the name's Lou!
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
COSTELLO: I just told you, my name's Lou!
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know! What will l see when I look in the windows?
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows! I just need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No! On the computer! I need something I can use to write
proposals, track expenses and run my business. What have you got?
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office! Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did!
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something!
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
COSTELLO: For my office?
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows!
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK ... lets just
say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What
do I need?
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office!
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: No! Word in Office for Windows!
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't
start with some straight answers! OK ... just forget it! Can I watch
a movie on the Internet?
ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One!
COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none
of your business. Just tell me what I need!
ABBOTT: Real One!
COSTELLO: If it's a long movie I'll want to see reel 2, 3 and 4.
Can I watch them?
ABBOTT: Of course!
COSTELLO: Great! With what?
ABBOTT: Real One.
COSTELLO: OK ... I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What
do I do?
ABBOTT: You click the blue "1".
COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?
ABBOTT: The blue "1"!
COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue W?
ABBOTT: The blue "1" is Real One, and the
blue "W" is Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: But there are three words in "office for windows"!
ABBOTT: No, just one! But it's the most popular Word
in the world.
COSTELLO: It is?
ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other
Words left! It pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.
COSTELLO: And that word is the real one?
ABBOTT: No, Real One has nothing to do with Word!
Real One isn't even part of Office.
COSTELLO: STOP! Don't start that up again with me! What about financial
bookkeeping? Do you have anything I can track my money with?
COSTELLO: That's right! What do you have?
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes! No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer ... how much?
ABBOTT: One copy!
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
FEW DAYS LATER
Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Click on "START"! --
See the Jack Benny classic with Mel Blanc as Sy.
Two Tens For A Five
7 X 13 = 28
The life and passing of Lou Costello
The life and passing of Dudley Moore