Who
needs Windows?
Abbott
and Costello take on Computers
Done in the world of today, Bud Abbott's and Lou Costello's infamous
sketch, "Who's on First?", might have turned out something
like this.
COSTELLO
CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT
ABBOTT:
Super Duper computer store! Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks! I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking
about buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No ... the name's Lou!
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I just told you, my name's Lou!
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know! What will l see when I look in the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper!
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows! I just need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No! On the computer! I need something I can use to write
proposals, track expenses and run my business. What have you got?
ABBOTT: Office!
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office! Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did!
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something!
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes!
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes!
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office!
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows!
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK ... lets just
say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What
do I need?
ABBOTT: Word!
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office!
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: No! Word in Office for Windows!
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue
"W"!
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't
start with some straight answers! OK ... just forget it! Can I watch
a movie on the Internet?
ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One!
COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none
of your business. Just tell me what I need!
ABBOTT: Real One!
COSTELLO: If it's a long movie I'll want to see reel 2, 3 & 4.
Can I watch them?
ABBOTT: Of course!
COSTELLO: Great! With what?
ABBOTT: Real One.
COSTELLO: OK ... I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What
do I do?
ABBOTT: You click the blue "1".
COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?
ABBOTT: The blue "1"!
COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue W?
ABBOTT: The blue "1" is Real One, and the
blue "W" is Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: But there are three words in "office for windows"!
ABBOTT: No, just one! But it's the most popular Word
in the world.
COSTELLO: It is?
ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other
Words left! It
pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.
COSTELLO: And that word is real one?
ABBOTT: No, Real One has nothing to do with Word!
Real One isn't even part of Office.
COSTELLO: STOP! Don't start that up again with me! What about financial
bookkeeping? Do you have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money!
COSTELLO: That's right! What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money!
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money!
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes! No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer ... how much?
ABBOTT: One copy!
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
A
FEW DAYS LATER.
ABBOTT:
Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Click on "START"!