When
I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long
after hypothermia has set in. Calling AAA is not an option, either. I will win because I am a man!
And because I am a man…
When the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and
stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another
man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to
be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers
and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will
then drink a couple of beers and break wind, as a form of Holy
Communion.
And because I am a man…
When I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take
care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never
get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.
And because I am a man…
I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store,
like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items
like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these
are the same thing.
And because I am a man…
When one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking
it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as
much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
And because I am a man…
I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch
TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking
for it … though one time I was able to survive by holding
a calculator … (applies to engineers mainly).
And because I am a man…
There is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The true answer
is always either sex, cars, sex, sports or sex. I have to make
up something else when you ask, so don't ask!
And because I am a man…
I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit
us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more
than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay;
I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something
for my mother, too!
And because I am a man…
You don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if
you're crying at the end of it, I didn't … and if you are
feeling amorous afterwards … then I will certainly at least
remember the name and recommend it to others.
And because I am a man…
I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing
five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine.
With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You
look fine! Can we just go, now?
And because I am a man…
And this is, after all, the the 21st century, I will share equally
in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning,
the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest … like
wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.
--
This
has been a public service message because women need to do a better
job of understanding men.
Men ONLY, continue...
