The
Best
Smart-Ass Answers
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SMART-ASS
ANSWER
It was mealtime during an airline flight. 'Would you like dinner?'
the flight attendant asked John, the first passenger seated in
front.
'What
are my choices?' John asked.
'Yes or no,' she replied.
SMART-ASS ANSWER
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check
tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket
and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket,
not your stub.'
SMART-ASS ANSWER
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store
but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked
a stock boy, 'Do these turkeys get any bigger?'
The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead.'
SMART-ASS ANSWER
The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped
for speeding rolled down his window. 'I've been waiting for you
all day,' the officer said.
The
kid replied, Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.'
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his
way without a ticket.
SMART-ASS ANSWER
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a
sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge
is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars
are backed up for miles.
Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and
walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and said,
'Got stuck, huh?'
The truck driver said, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and I
ran out of gas.'
BEST SMART-ASS
ANSWER OF THE YEAR
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.
'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here
tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal
injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's
it, no other excuses whatsoever!'
A
smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and
asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering
from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'
The
entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence
was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook
her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write
the exam with your other hand.'
A BONUS EXTRA
A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is
not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel
horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me
a compliment.'
The husband replied, 'Ya know, your eyesight is damn good!' -- See Ass-Icons.
Warning
... A really Bad Ass is next.
