New Economic Realty
FROM: THE OFFICE OF BUDGET MANAGEMENT
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
SUBJECT: TODAY'S ECONOMIC REALITIES
are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
you are seen wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, it's assumed
you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so
that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore
you do not need a raise.
A doctor's statement is no longer seen as proof of sickness. If you
are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. These are otherwise
known as Saturdays and Sundays.
Bereavement is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can
do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should
be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your
place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the
funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. Management will
be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently
leave one hour early.
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now
a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three
minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract,
the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.
After a second offense, your picture will be posted on the company
bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught
smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental
people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that
they can look healthy.
size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain
their average figure.
people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed
to drink a Slim-Fast.
Other folks are
cutting costs, so can we! See SUGGESTIONS below for your consideration.
All employees are required to submit their cost-saving suggestions
by March 15, 2009.
is here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all
questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, aggravations,
irritations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations,
consternation and input other than submitting the above suggestions
should be directed elsewhere.
And BTW: Thank
you for your loyalty to our company.
The OBM Management
from the OBM Verizon Wireless BlackBerry aboard the OBM Team Jet.
Suggestions For Your Considration
neat suggestion for car poolers